if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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