I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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