There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
