I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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