So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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