The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize