At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
