she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
