You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
