he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
