Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
