so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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