I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
