I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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