on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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