Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
