Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
