So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
