My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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