She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
how does that bad decision feel?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
