i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
