I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
