I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
