Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
