She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
