Pappa wants mamma naked
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
