Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
