I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
