hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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