I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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