I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
