I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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