Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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