We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
