it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
