Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
