Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
