then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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