8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
