I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
His hands were made for my vagina.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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