guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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