Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
