There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
