Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
