just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
