My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
