kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
