my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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