I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
