I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
