Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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