just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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