Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
