my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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