So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
