Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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