I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
