Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
