Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
