I'm really into asian looking animals
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
