its not stalking. its research.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
