Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
