You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
