I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize