so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I stole a fireplace last night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
