I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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