Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize