Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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