im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Are we still banned from the library?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
