It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
