The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
